The Pursuit of Happiness

Day 92

Monday

Just when you think no one sees you the house lights turn on and the audience of your peers comes into view, having been there all along. The lights came on for me today when my roommate said, “I can’t tell if you’re happy. Are you?” The question froze me in place. Wrinkling my brow as I prepared to voice a response I thought how I always believed my roommate never took note of my moods, as I’d always been pretty even keel. And what’s more, I consider myself a very emotive person (my mother’s a therapist for god sake, when I feel an emotion I know how to express it effectively), so for my roommate to tell me he couldn’t tell if I was happy was shocking. And then what I said surprised me even more than his question, without thinking I blurted, “Well I’m not. I hate my job. I have zero job satisfaction and lack a sense of purpose entirely.” (Where did my social filter go?) He looked even more shocked, “You hate your job?” “Well of course, I don’t serve a purpose. I teach English to children that don’t even speak Castellano correctly. Their parents don’t care to help them, so my stupid games go to waste. But that’s only when the teacher decides to show up or Spain decides to have school, instead of a random holiday. I’m wasting my time here.” “But you’re living the life, you get long weekends, the beach is right there, there’s an awesome international community here, you can go out every night of the week, life’s cheap, the people are hot, the work is easy.” “Exactly. I don’t enjoy any of that. I didn’t come to Spain to party with beautiful rich kids fucking around on a study abroad trip. I mean, I go to the library for fun. Málaga and I have different interests at heart. I’m trying to make it a worthwhile experience, but it doesn’t seem like my efforts getting me anywhere.” And thus began the first real conversation my roommate and I have ever had. It didn’t end like an Oprah show with us crying and hugging each other, finally coming to know the other’s true self, he’s a guy after all and I’m a defensive clam about my feelings, so instead, it was a refreshing discussion about purpose and crisis. I can now say I trust my roommate.

His parting line, “Let’s work on doing the things that make you happy, okay?”


I don’t know that I believe in altruism, but a comment like that certainly gives me cause to want to believe.

Now how can I support YOU in your pursuit of happiness?



Because it tends to be a slow journey if you go at it alone...