Love's Form

Day 31

Given that I don’t subscribe to any religion, I suppose that means I don’t have the right to raise a complaint with any of them. The commentary cards are for members only. But I arguably have Buddhist leanings, so let me air an idea that came to me tonight. The cycle of reincarnation is what the Buddha has escaped and what the rest of us greedy, desirous, selfish and temptation appeasing mortals are destined to repeat until we don’t. But something happened to me tonight that made me see the beauty of rebirth in a new way. The cycle of energy is a glorious miracle.

Today was important for one reason – attempt #2 to find the salsa class. Having googled mapped (that worked well for me last time) the damn gym, I felt about as confident as a football coach at his first game that I’d find the place. I even thought I had outsmarted myself. I looked at street view of google maps. Take that tiny streets without street names. I memorized the buildings and the trees, remembering fountains and store fronts so when I came to the intersection I’d instinctively know where to turn. If only we actually lived in a google map world….

I had forgotten the changes over time, the different season and the fact that I was walking at night. In the dark. It doesn’t help to remember store fronts if they’ve all pulled down the garage like door over their names. And it doesn’t help to remember plants when its winter here and even the palm trees are losing leaves. I didn’t kick myself in the butt yet; I was determined to find it. So after wandering a bit off track, I was feeling the rising sensation of desperation. Like when you’re staring at the clock as time ticks by and still you can’t think of what the word rainbow in Spanish means for the vocab test. In a final effort I began to profile people on the streets, trying to identify the best informant possible. I had few minutes to waste and little patience for my inability to understand the accent here. I had to pick right the first time or I’d be done for. As I saunter with feigned confidence and purpose I spot an older couple walking a tiny pooch. I begin to circle my prey. They aren’t wearing anything fashionable, the woman isn’t in heels. Good, that means they’ll be nice, or at least shouldn’t have a stick up their ass. Their dog is tiny, which says the couple might be modest, and better yet, the dog doesn’t have barrettes in its hair or bows on its head as most dogs do here. They’re practical. And not animal abusers. And the clincher, they were chatting casually with each other. Holy shit they have a functional marriage, they’re amicable, they’re quiet and they’re Spanish. Done. I want them. Scooting slyly up to the man’s side, I look at the woman to ask my question, because everyone knows the wife has all the answers, but only after flashing my sweetest smile I can muster. Greeting them like a girl with Girl Scout cookies I ask politely if they could direct me to the Polideportivo please. they ask which one and my heart drops, you’ve got to be kidding me, I thought I had figured this whole Polideportivo shit out, now they’re telling me I have to pick again?? After I identify it as La Trinidad they nod and begin to tell me how to go, apparently it’s complicated (great..) and when the light turns green for us to cross the street they wave their hands, erasing all their previous statements and tell me that they are actually going that way and they’ll take me. As we carry on the woman begins to tell me to not come home on the street we’re walking because it’ll be too dark and too dangerous for a little girl like me all alone. She describes another wider street with more lights that I simply must take. I tell her thank you so much because as I’m not from Malaga I don’t know what’s safe and what’s dangerous. They both begin to laugh heartily and say “Oh dear girl, we know, we know, that’s why we’re telling you all this.” I can’t help but laugh as well. And then the man hands me the most wonderful compliment I’ve ever been given. He tells me I’m starting to sound like a Malaguenen. I almost shriek with joy but instead vehemently deny it telling him that it couldn’t be possible, because I barely understand the accent of Andalucía. He is so delighted to be a mystery to me. And then he says, ok, I’m going to say a sentence that you’ll never understand, but it’s a real sentence, ok? I laugh and say that he couldn’t surprise me, but I’m ready. And before I know it he’s pelting me with a staccato rush of sound, damming the whole performance with a smile and a question, “what did I say?” I am already laughing saying that I have absolutely no idea. I wasn’t even sure he said words. It sounded like a rap song that had a bad problem skipping. He said the sentence to me slowly in Spanish, something about Jose tomando sol with something something at the somewhere in something. I dropped my jaw in awe and told him that I hope to be so fluent that I could actually understand what he just said. At this point the laughter of his wife jumped on board and she said I’d have to live here a long long time. A lifetime.

We’re rounding the corner and the gym lays ahead alit in full splendor. Piece of shit was hiding down some back sketchy allies though; I never would have found it without their help. Grr… the wife asks if I’m in a hurry because she wants to show me the safe way to go home and get back on the ‘wide well lit street.’ I obviously acquiesced and we as they say here ‘damos una vuelta’ we made a loop. I’m sure by this point their little dog was thinking, my god mom and dad, I’ve gone to the bathroom, what more do you want? My poor little legs can’t handle this! As we make it back around to the entrance the wife encourages me to take the safe way because she says her daughter used to come to the gym when she was a teenager and every time she imagined her daughter walking the dark scary streets, she just “ooooooooooooo” and she waves her hands as if she were stuck in a nightmare, showing me how terrible it was to think of baby in danger. I say thank you a thousand times over for helping me stay safe, and that I haven’t met a friendlier couple during my whole time in Spain, I told them they were my guardian angels. I didn’t mean to but I made the wife start to cry. She was all choked up saying how it was nothing nothing nothing, little one, just stay safe and keep to the streets with lights and people and that I was beautiful and should keep practicing because I’d get it so soon. She held onto me as we did besos and her husband less emotional wished me the best and teased me with a farewell tongue-twister to contemplate. I waved at them as they walked away and then I stared at the sky, sending out my sincerest thanks to the world for sending me two wonderful angels. As they looked back at me I saw my grandma give me a grin, like she always did as we left after Sunday dinner and I saw my grandpa walking by her side with such tenderness that only comes after a lifetime of loyalty. And I heard my mom in her words to be safe little one and I felt my dad’s presence in the teasing tongue twister. And people continued to flash across their faces and speak through their words and walk by my side. And it’s for this reason that I think reincarnation is such a subtle miracle in our daily lives. Each of you was reborn through their presence, visiting me with your special ways and endearing energy. It was a wholesome experience of being loved because I could feel the different types of love intertwining and articulating their distinct relationship with me.

Maybe personally we are all trying to escape reincarnation, but for those in our lives that we love, reincarnation is a way to connect and reconnect and ignite the magic of memory. And gives nostalgia that sweetness that lingers like the moon hiding in the sky on a sunny day.

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Small victory, I’ve made it to the 1 month water stop. Thank you all for helping me to carry on :)
Peace and so much love, kt