Sunday
What is harder about the act of saying good bye...the person saying adieu or the person watching the other drive away as they are left behind? Frequently caught in the former position, as the college student driving to campus, or as the graduate hugging her family at the airport as she heads to her first real big girl job, I'm used to the final glance back and the quiet loneliness (as well as the revealing tears) that falls over you,weighing your aura with memory. But, in Spain, having friends visit me puts me in the position of being the one left behind....It happened when my family visited me, as I watched my dad and brother meander back to the hotel after walking me back to my apartment or when I watched Leise hustle through security at Malaga and scurry to her gate. The moments after being abandoned are hallow, you think, well, I guess back to the routine...grocery shopping, laundry, lesson plans....and you go about finding the scattered pieces of the quotidian you burst out of when everything changed and the joy of saying hello illuminated your far away life.
And the pieces seem so dull in the dust of yesterday, but you find that they work, and sometimes the pieces come together in a new way...and you realize a new perspective.
and in the silence of your room that still doesn't talk back, you think, maybe goodbye isn't a wave of surrender to loneliness, but a chance to pull myself together in a new way...to realize that my hands are capable of letting go and holding on simultaneously.
taking hold of the present, i find a coherence in my re-imagined and newly understood (and incessantly modified) Self.
today is was about a tangible, potential coherence...a ponytail.
first ponytail since aug.2010.
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